Before the dawn of social networking sites, romantic relationships were basic. The simplistic act of buying your significant other roses for a special occasion or the traditional, honorable gesture of bringing the object of your affection home to meet the folks, sufficed as expressing your admiration for the one you adore.
However in 2010, the infectious phrase “Facebook Official” is now the solidification of devotion. If you are not listed as “In a Relationship” with the person you are dating, it merely becomes a claim.
Before one should choose to place a check in that infamous box, you should be forewarned that once that story is published in your news feed, your relationship is no longer “yours.”
Your personal life is now on display for all of your friends, your family and miscellaneous people to view at their own leisure.
This means that from that day forward the public has unlimited access to your romantic life. Along with that “updated relationship status” must, without a doubt, be accompanied with photos of your new beau for the nosy people you don’t associate with but are on your friend’s list anyway, and a plethora of notifications containing “likes” and comments.
Today, Facebook has become a major step towards commitment within relationships.
In an article by Zunaira Zaki of ABC News, psychoanalyst Bethany Marshall states, “The Internet is changing what intimacy means. Going from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘single’ online may become similar to returning an engagement ring.”
It is also, on the downside, becoming a major step in break-ups, initializing arguments regarding jealously, trust issues and other natural problems relationships face. Yet the scrutiny of being virtually monitored magnifies these ordinary problems and intensifies the possible damage.
With exes and past flames just a friend page away, there’s no question that this easy accessibility through the site can cause dirty laundry to surface.
In an article by Anne E. Smith of Assocaited Content, Smith states, “Many people who are unhappy in their current lives find comfort with reconnecting with old flames from their high school days. Their memories are golden, and former high school sweethearts can easily become nostalgic for the past. It is not a good idea to be in close touch with an ex if you are [currently] in a relationship; for the most part it is just trouble waiting to happen.”
The virtual home wrecker does not have to be an ex or past flame to stir up controversy on your news feed. It can be a friend that leaves those wall posts or photo comments that can make you wonder as well.
The confirmation of an “add” of a random, attractive person of the opposite sex can also cause speculation. One way to always upset a friend’s significant other is to get too friendly on their pages or in photos.
An article done by CyberPsychology & Behavior, which featured a study of 308 undergraduate students who are Facebook users, reported that to get caught up in a “[Facebook] feedback loop” is possible.
Piqued by a wall comment, they can become suspicious and start monitoring their partner’s pages and sometimes find more suspicious information.
A simple comment has the potential to raise eyebrows.
Amy Muise, a doctoral candidate at the University of Guelph’s psychology department, led a recent study on how Facebook can spark jealously in romantic relationships among college students.
“It seems like Facebook is creating jealously even where there was not jealously to begin with. Facebook doesn’t necessarily make people more jealous than they would be normally but with all of the information divulged on Facebook—the answers to ‘What’s on your mind?’ part of the information on Facebook is that it lacks certain context,” said Muise. “So there could be things posted on your partner’s wall that you really don’t know what it means.”
Believe it or not there are existing people who think there is no such thing as “cyber-cheating”; well this is their wake up call.
In fact cyber cheating is sometimes disregarded more than it should be. With Facebook’s installation of the “chat” feature, as well as the approaching arrival of video chatting in the works, the effortless, non-restricting act of beginning a cyber affair is easier than one may like to think.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Tara Fritsch reports that of the 40 percent of couples listed on Facebook and MySpace, there were links to Facebook and or MySpace that caused a breach in their relationship.
But how harmless is chatting with an old friend? When should one become suspicious of their partner commenting on one too many photos or statuses? What is your limit on clicking that infamous “like” button?
“When things start being said that you don’t want your spouse to see, […] things that you might not be comfortable saying in person […] then it’s taken a step across that boundary,” said Fritsch. “Emotional affairs can be just as damaging as sexual affairs.” Because social networks are beginning to become a large part of relationships, she advises all couples to set guidelines for using the sites.
Even after all the drama Facebook can cause during the course of a relationship, it can also add fuel to the fire following the end of a relationship.
The public transition from “In a Relationship” to “Single” can wreak havoc on a person’s notification alerts.
Break ups are normally a mild, traumatic experience that most would like to endure and surpass personally, or with people with whom they are close to.
However when Facebook becomes involved, it is more of an online social event than a private matter. People are free to leave their opinion of the split, possibly adding insult to injury. Then magically, people you haven’t directly spoken to in years want to know if you’re okay.
Because social networking sites are becoming largely popular and are punctuating their unique holes in relationships, it is important to discuss guidelines with your significant other about how to avoid notifications by the pound about your relationship.
A healthy relationship includes trust and honesty, both of which can become in jeopardy when displaying your love goes horribly wrong.
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