You, Me and the Other Guy
Adam Olszeski, Editor in Chief
The college relationship is a delicate thing. We as college age students are in the training for the rest of our lives. We are supposed to be becoming adults and many of us try to act like them in as many ways as we can. We take ourselves too seriously, and our lives as well. We are still young and should be making mistakes. We don’t have it all figured out, even though many of us pretend that we do. And this sense of “security” of course falls over into our romantic relationships.
Many college students feel that they have to act like adults. We stand in our relationships as if we are married. And we take little infidelities too seriously. We are young and mistakes happen. So why do we take things so seriously?
We are physical people living in a materialistic physical time, and physical infidelities happen. We will make mistakes, sometimes drunken, sometimes not, but mistakes happen, but physical cheating is not the end of the world. Especially in long distance relationships. Physical cheating is blown way out of proportion especially at our age. But there is a point when infidelity slips past the tolerable.
Most relationships at our age are either serious or borderline pushing it. And it is at this point that people start getting emotionally involved with another. And as these emotions grow so does the responsibility, because in your hands lies another’s emotional rest.
Many people feel that physical infidelity is unforgivable, and sure in some instances it is. Never should anyone cheat on there wife or even fiancé, a pledge is a pledge, but we as college students have not made a pledge and we certainly, for the most part, are not going to marry the person we are with, but we are emotionally involved.
Physical infidelity is forgivable, in most instances; emotional infidelity is not. People make mistakes and many times, in college, a physical encounter with another is either a passing thing, a thing of the moment, a mistake if you will, nothing serious, but once emotions get involved and things get messy.
People invest emotionally into their relationships, and those emotions are not something that come easily. When people disregard those emotions and start messing with them that is when a line is crossed. Emotional infidelity is far worse than physical.
People make mistakes. They get drawn together through natural chemistry, and sometimes it’s hard to resist, especially when alcohol gets involved, but when you start toying with people’s emotions that’s when people get hurt.
I am not saying that feelings don’t change. That one day you are deeply involved with one person and then over time you start to feel differently. Maybe another comes into your life and you like the way you feel for them better. They might be sweet and free with their feelings, treat you right and be right there for you to hold when you need them. If this happens, the change needs to be complete. You need to let go of the old relationship and embrace the new. Maybe it is scary because you are uncertain, but to let two people feel as if they are the only ones in your life is cruel and unusual punishment, for both of them.
People that are emotionally involved look for a certain sense of reassurance in their relationships. They look for something solid; solid enough to rest their wellbeing in. But if the person you give your emotions too is being flippant with them, there is nothing but a bed of water, where you look for limestone. Physical transgressions can be forgiven, but emotional ones lead to devastation.
Sex is simple. It is two people reacting to their bodies. Emotions are much more complicated. They stand for what we believe at the core of our beings, in fact they are a part of who we are as individuals. Our bodies can be forgotten, but our psyche is unforgettable. It is something that is much more sacred than anything you can touch. And I feel that many people feel that just because they are not involved physically with an individual that they are not cheating on their significant other. In my opinion, emotional
infidelity is far worse than anything physical. We all make mistakes, and those can be forgiven, but emotional devastation can scar for life.
What it comes down to, I feel, is that you can feel bad in the morning, but if you lead two guys on there is nothing for you to feel bad about; take the scissors out and cut the chord. Take the risk and stop pulling at people’s heartstrings.
Don’t You Touch Her
Tonya Peterson, Opinions Editor
Physical infidelity is much worse than emotional infidelity. Cheating traditionally is defined as the physical involvement with someone else outside of a monogamous relationship. There is nothing worse than being one hundred percent invested in a relationship and having the other person stray. When a person in a relationship crosses “the line” and becomes physically intimate with someone else, that is the ultimate betrayal in a relationship.
Any physical contact with someone other than a significant other that invokes a sexual reaction is cheating. Regardless if that physical interaction is intercourse. Cheating can involve something as simple as a kiss to something as complex intercourse.
In relationships, the physical cheater is predominately male. It is in the nature of the male species to be physical and often times that physical contact with others leads to infidelity. It is almost reminiscent of the caveman possessing and protecting the cavewoman.
Wars have been fought over man’s physical need to possess a person physically. The most famous is that of the Trojan War that was sparked by Paris’ need to possess Helen, who, as we all know, was another man’s wife.
Never believe that women are not capable of infidelity on a physical level. However, when a woman cheats physically with someone else, it is usually always with relationship ending consequences.
A physical infidelity is damaging to a relationship on an emotional level as well regardless of the gender of the transgressor. Not only is the knowledge of your significant other was sexual in a physical way with someone else, but there are also the repercussions that come in the wave of trust. There is the ever present question that they were capable of doing it once and so then the cheater can definitely do it again.
My favorite reply to an infidelity is that, “It did not mean anything”. While I can partly believe that, it meant something at the time that was so powerful physically, and yes emotionally, that all thought of a significant other was abandoned. Quite frankly, it did matter. It mattered to the person who was being cheated on. The emotional and physical repercussions that follow a relationship in the wake of an affair are devastating.
Some would argue that emotional cheating is far worse than the physical cheating; however, there are no boundaries that have been crossed in an emotional situation. Emotional cheating can be defined as the intimate correspondence with someone over cell phone and the Internet in a close and personal way while in a relationship with someone else. There is absolutely no physical contact with the “other person,” and therefore, is not a form of cheating.
We share our emotions with others outside of a monogamous relationship on a daily basis. So if self disclosure with someone other than a significant other is emotional cheating, then there are a multitude of cheaters out there.
There is no justification for physical cheating, which is the ultimate betrayal in any relationship. There can be no way that emotional cheating can even come close in comparison to physical cheating.
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